Dealing with Death

Wow, it’s been a really long time.  I bet you didn’t think I was even coming back. But, I did. 

A lot has changed since I last blogged to you about my crazy life as a mother. We have moved across the country to New England!  Yay!  It’s beautiful here.  Our little town seemed to survive Superstorm Sandy just fine.  But my thoughts are with those who are still recovering and rebuilding. Doc and I have new jobs, obviously, since we left the mid-west. And we bought a big OLD colonial home that we are trying to morph into our dream home.  Doc has come in handy in that aspect.  I don’t know how I managed to marry such a multi-talented man, but he’s doing a damn good job on the house.

Sadly, my first post back is going to touch a sad subject and something that we’ve recently had to deal with recently- death.  Otter, about 4 weeks ago, was given a kitten that we named Buzz. Sweet little orange tabby cat who somehow managed to survive everything our 2 year old had to offer. However, Buzz got out of the house the other night while I was making a trip out to the garage to get something. My hands were full when I got back to the house and I wasn’t able to scoop him up.  When I returned, I couldn’t find him.  He had always stuck close to the house and usually danced around when I called for him.  So, Otter and I donned our coats and shoes, grabbed a flashlight and went looking for him.  We looked for a while and then I finally heard a weak mew from under our front porch. Buzz stuck his sleepy little head out and I snatched him up to carry him inside. 

It wasn’t until in the light of our home that I could see that Buzz was a mess.  He looked filthy and Doc said he just didn’t look right.  Upon further investigation, Buzz had some major wounds to the underside of his little body and I rushed him to the nearest emergency vet 30 minutes away. After meeting with the vet and discussing the treatment options, costs, and outcomes it was decided that Buzz was to be put to sleep.  It wasn’t an easy decision and one of my first thoughts was of what Otter would do/think when he realized Buzz was gone.  The two of them were inseparable.  

Before I had left to take Buzz to the vet, knowing that this outcome was possible, Otter said “bye-bye” to Buzz and Doc explained Buzz had lots of ouchies. This, it seemed, was our saving grace.  The next morning when Otter woke up and asked for Buzz, tears immediately filled my eyes and I choked on the words as I explained to Otter that Buzz had ouchies and had to go bye-bye. I told Otter that Buzz loved him very much. I grappled with how to explain this to Otter. Did I tell him Buzz went to a special farm, that he’s gone, or that he died?  What words do you use to explain to a 2-year-old that their kitty is gone? 

Well, I’ll tell you that Otter has accepted Buzz’s leaving with amazing grace and resilience. “Bye-bye” seemed to be a good choice of words for him.  He will still say “Buzz go bye-bye” as a statement but a little later will ask if “Daddy go bye-bye” or if Emma (our dog) went bye-bye.  And I explain to him that, no, Daddy is at work and Emma is in the house. Then he will correct himself and say Buzz had ouchies and had to go bye-bye.  Sure, he probably doesn’t understand that Buzz is never coming back and he definitely doesn’t understand what death is, but we approached it in the manner that we did and Otter seems to have handled it well.

As parents, it’s always tough to approach serious topics with our kids and we worry about doing it in an age appropriate matter. How have you handled sensitive issues, like death, with your children?

Oh, and I promise, we have much more light hearted posts coming.  I mean, we have an Elf coming to live with us for the next month. What could be more fun than that?!

Bye Buzz Kitty, we will miss you!