Birthday and Babies

And we’ve survived our first Blizzard.  Thank you, Nemo!  By the way, who in the heck decided to name a winter storm after a cute little clown fish with a “little fin”? Poor Otter was confused hearing “Nemo” over and over, waiting for me to pop in the DVD. But he loved the snow!

Otter playing with Nemo.

Anyways, I’ve recently celebrated another year of life.  Which, I am forever appreciative of any and every year I get to spend with my loved ones. But this one hit me kind of hard. For some reason 27 seems really official.  I am no longer in my early twenties. Mid-twenties seemed so comfortable, but I am edging ever closer to the big 3-OH. I’m not afraid of turning thirty, but I fear the aging process, somewhat.  Namely, fertility.  I am emotionally ready for another baby. Doc isn’t quite there with me, yet. I hope he will get there eventually.  However, I feel that waiting another year or two would be good for Otter. I am still trying to get this parenting thing down.  He’s still trying to get his toddler attitude down.  He’s getting pretty good at being two.  But, despite my practical side telling me to wait, I have this fear, fear of the unknown, that if I wait too long, perhaps I won’t be able to have another. As unfounded as it is to have these feelings, I can’t push them aside.

While I was pregnant with Otter and for a while after he was born, I was convinced that I only wanted him. But every day that I see him grow older and do new and more grown up boy things my heart aches for the teeny tiny little baby that he used to be.  And when I see him play and interact out in public I see him do so well with other kids and ADORE babies and I know in my hear t that he can’t be an only child.  He needs a brother or a sister to share his life with. But how soon is too soon.  How long is too long to wait?  I battle these thoughts daily.  And don’t get me started on Doc.  I think he’s petrified of not sleeping again for another year.  Otter did some irreparable damage, I think.

Back to the point at hand, I am getting older and I wonder what my (our) future holds in terms of additional children.  I wish that I could peer into the future and see what is in store for us.  I promise I won’t peek at anything else, I would be content just knowing what’s in the cards. Just a quick peek, pretty please.   I know these are completely normal fears/thoughts for many, many women my age (and older and younger). Especially to take the leap from 1 child to 2.  We have those fears that we can’t love more than one or that the older will be jealous.  So.many.thoughts.

Well, I thought I was finished writing this post and then I popped on Facebook for a moment, and I see a bazillion posts about babies.  BABIES. Everywhere I turn, someone is pregnant, giving birth, or posting photos of their squishy little infant. I am incredibly happy for each and every one of these women and their families. I love seeing all of these moments.  I recently started following a new parenting page on Facebook and there are constantly birth photos beings posted.  I love it.  Every photo takes my breath away and brings tears to my eyes.  I need to do it again.  I want another birth experience. I can’t even begin to remember the pain from my first labor and delivery.  Isn’t it funny how nature works?

Moving on before I can’t focus the rest of the day because I’m daydreaming about my “someday baby”. I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine’s day.  Single or not, it’s about celebrating love- any kind of love.  Love for your child(ren), parents, friends, or significant other.  Otter came home from daycare with an indescribable amount of swag and sweets. The only way to describe it is with a photo.